I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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