Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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