I think i peed on brittanys purse
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize