i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
