I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
third nipple confirmed
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
