The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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