Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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