I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
