We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
