I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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