The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
