So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
