Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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