i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize