Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
