please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I need moral support for this bender
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize