I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
