considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
