first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize