Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize