so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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