if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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