someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have demons in me.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
