i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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