My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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