I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
