PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
