I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
