he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
