We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
