im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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