once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
