Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
