There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
