thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
