my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
