Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
