Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
