my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
