He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
