He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
