she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
