Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
