My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
