Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
