I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
