rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
