Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
