Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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