Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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