dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
