I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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