Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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