He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
