We're facebook friends in real life
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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