yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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