Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
