I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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