"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This is my gift to your gina
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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