Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
