I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
