i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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