Swine flu. Run for my life!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
