Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
