I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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