I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize