I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
