someone threw a dead crab at me
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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