GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
