I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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