brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you didnt know i had herpes?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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