AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
