So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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