neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
