You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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